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When you imagined your future…
You imagined pretty much what you have now: A high-powered job, a great spouse, a couple of kids, a dog, a fancy car(s), a nice house on the water, and vacations to cool places like Iceland and Hawaii. It’s not so much that your life LOOKS different than you imagined on the outside, it’s that it FEELS different on the INSIDE.
Today, we are going to highlight the phenomenon of gaslighting specifically because it is particularly deleterious and present in all forms of abuse (emotional, physical and sexual). The name comes from a 1938 British play (later made into a film) called, Gas Light, involving a husband using the characteristic tactics we will discuss against his wife (Wikipedia-Gas Light, 1938). Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that occurs when a perpetrator causes their victim to doubt their sanity and experience of reality by implicitly or explicitly conveying that:
their experiences aren’t real;
their feelings are wrong;
their memory of events is incorrect;
they don’t know what they need or want, but the perpetrator does;
they aren’t who they think they are;
the perpetrator’s behavior is somehow the victim’s fault;
nothing is wrong, even though something seems wrong;
it is okay or normal for terrible things to happen like emotional, physical or sexual abuse;
the perpetrator’s objectionable behaviors or personality characteristics are actually the victim’s (called projection).
“Until we have met the monsters in ourselves, we keep trying to slay them in the outer world. And we find that we cannot. For all darkness in the world stems from darkness in the heart. And it is there that we must do our work” (Williamson, 2002, p. 13).
Are We Sabotaging Our Dream Lives, and Humanity in the Process?
In short: Yes. But, usually not purposely. Sabotage happens unconsciously because old stories, beliefs, fears and wounds are still running the show, outside of our conscious awareness. These old stories, beliefs, fears and wounds come from our individual experiences, our families (including their genes) and the outside world.
We are only consciously aware of an infinitesimal amount of what is actually happening in our minds and environment (we take in 11 million bits of information each second but only consciously process 40 of these; Zimmerman, 1986). And if we are only aware of a small fraction of what is happening, that means we only have control over a small fraction of what is happening. This is fairly disconcerting, especially for those of us who like certainty and control. The good news is that we can use various tools to begin to become consciously aware of that which was previously unconscious. Therapy or healing work, meditation, dream interpretation, inner child work, energy healing, self-reflection and introspective writing (journaling) can all help unearth these unconscious processes, so we can begin to take back control of our lives. However, as anyone who has attempted self-improvement can attest, the moment we try to make a change, we get pushback, from external forces (e.g., the culture) and internal forces (e.g., the ego). Our self-improvement is a threat to the status quo of the culture and our ego. As a result, these forces will try to step in to sabotage our efforts. It’s our job to stay strong and keep fighting for change.
Coronavirus is affecting our health in more ways than direct viral infection. Twenty-two percent of us are reporting trouble sleeping, with Gen Xers being the most notably affected (Sleep Help, 2020).
We are scared, our lives have been completely upended, we no longer have our regular routines to distract and anesthetize us, and, even if we are COVID-19 free, we are developing a nasty case of cabin fever. Further, without the distractions of our normal routines and with the stirring of deep emotions within us, we are coming face to face with our own demons (and the demons of our household members). It’s no wonder we are having trouble sleeping.
An excerpt from this article was published on Hey Tiffany: https://www.heytiffany.com/problems-with-insurance-for-therapists-in-private-practice/
Reasons Providers Credential with Health Insurance
The reasons why providers credential with the insurance companies are reasonable. First, credentialing with health insurance is the status quo; it’s what everyone does. Second, credentialing is one way to ensure that providers have a steady referral stream without having to do a lot of outside marketing. Third, credentialing with insurance allows providers to provide access to care to a wide demographic of individuals, including those who might not be able to afford therapy out-of-pocket. Fourth, the benefits of credentialing compensate for skills deficits and fears most mental health providers have: A) Few therapists know how to market or how to run a small business, because these are not skills taught in graduate school. Therapists have little confidence in succeeding in marketing and business management. B) In fact, these are skills that are discouraged both explicitly and implicitly throughout therapists’ training; marketing and running a business that makes money are seen as “bad”, and running a charitable practice with “affordable” fees and pro bono work is seen as “good”. C) Many therapists are incredulous that potential clients, who have already purchased a health insurance plan, will be willing to pay out-of-pocket for an additional service. D) Scarcity motivates providers, especially those just starting out, to accept whatever they can get; some money is better than no money. I’m certainly familiar with these rationale and fears, and I don’t fault anyone for utilizing these rationale and trying to mitigate their fears. I do, however, think it’s time to critically examine the ramifications of credentialing with insurance for mental health providers, clients, and the field of mental health for the purpose of making an informed decision about whether to continue this practice.
Technology and our blindness to its ramifications have placed mankind on an unknown trajectory advancing at the speed of light; if we do not slow down long enough to consider our destination, we may unwittingly and prematurely become faced with our own mortality (metaphorically, if not literally). Virtual reality has become a playground for anonymity, dissociation, and the whims of the id. Our legal system is severely lagging behind the savvy of virtual crime and psychology is poorly equipped to face the changing dynamic of the way its consumers interact.
